I Just Wasn't Made For These Times
by CosmicTheUnicorn
Summary: Late night thoughts keep Ponyboy up.


**Welcome to my first oneshot! I hope you guys enjoy! ~ Cosmic**

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The clock ticks, like a bomb that's about to be set off. I roll over in bed, and I look to Lily, who is sleeping. She looks so goddamn peaceful, and I'm jealous. It's been awhile since I've had peace, not since I wrote my theme for English class. I think Mr. Syme felt pity for me, as he's been less strict on me than the other kids.

"Oh don't worry about it, Ponyboy," is all he seems to say nowadays, while he still grills other kids for not handing other projects in. It's quite annoying, but I don't want to complain, it would make a scene.

Lily doesn't seem to get much peace either, even though she sure looks peaceful. Being a Japanese immigrant, I see lots of people slanting their eyes with their fingers near her, and I hear them mocking her accent when she walks away. She doesn't say anything, but I can tell she dislikes it. I dislike it too, I know how it feels to be mocked, spit on, and treated like trash that's been thrown out of one of the numerous filthy houses in Brumley. But goddamn it, at least Lily manages to LOOK peaceful. I can't go a day without a stranger asking me if I'm okay, because my eyes look down on the pavement, or because my skin is sunken in. I can't go a week without Sodapop trying to cheer me up with his many corny ways, like making jokes I'm pretty sure he stole from Two-Bit. He's buying me useless things too, like a doorstop shaped like a bull terrier. It's very cute, but we already have a lot of plain wooden ones that do the job just as well.

The bed is sweaty, and the sheets feel like hell. I finally get sick of lying there, so I get up. The paintings on the walls look like Satan himself pushed his head through the light purple walls and peered at me. Now, I've seen them in the daylight, and they ain't too bad, but in the dark, that's when the demons trapped in them pop out. Lily painted them herself, is she a Wiccan? Can she summon certain demons that come out at night and put them in her art?

I look away from them, and move to some old photos, all monochrome. Most of them had photos of butterflies, one of a gazebo, and a few more of Bibles with the spines bent. My mother hated having the spines of her books bent, especially the Holy Bible. She wanted our Bible in perfect condition, and I never kept my books in the best condition. Goodness, I miss my mother, the way she kept everything in neat rows, and I hate the way everything has fallen out of place since their deaths. Soda used to be very good at school, he wanted to go to Oxford! My father used to sit with us at the table and watch us do our homework. He stopped for whatever reason when I was twelve. That was when Soda stopped caring about school, and Darry was busting his ass off to graduate. I was stuck not knowing what I wanted, but I just did my best at school. Now, Soda dropped out. Life has fallen out of place for sure.

Over Lily's black desk is a bunch of cut out photos from magazines. Images of The Beatles and The Byrds smiling and just being pretty boys made me feel weak, for whatever reason. I knew Lily loved the Beatles, The Doors, and The Beach Boys. She loved other bands too, but those were what she mainly dug. The Beatles ain't as awful as they used to be, ever since Revolver, but they're still not my thing. I admire Carl Wilson though, he's one of the best guitarists around, so I'm fine with Lily singing Beach Boys songs. She also had records and posters on her walls too, such as Revolver, Light My Fire, Gloria, and Pet Sounds for records and The Doors for posters. I remembered one of those songs from the Pet Sounds record, "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times." Man, did I understand those lyrics now! "Sometimes I feel very sad." It wasn't much, but I felt it hard, though not as bad as I felt the great stress. /

I started to walk towards the window, but my foot got trapped into something smooth and cool. The world seemed to slow down as I felt myself fall to the ground, onto something fluffy, yet hard at the same time. My head pounds, like I have a heavy rock in my head. The lights flash on, and I squint. I had landed on a purple shag carpet, and I tripped on a flannel of Lily's. Things are much more colorful in the light, that's for sure.

"The hell happened?" Lily asked. She seemed quite pissed off, since I woke her up.

"Nothing… nothin'… I just tripped." Good Lord, is her room messy!

"Come back to bed."

"I got up and got back into her bed, moving her cartoon character stuffed animals out of the way for me to sleep. She turned away from me aggressively, and I got under the soft, purple blanket. The bed felt much cooler now, but I still didn't feel relaxed. It was obviously the stress giving me insomnia.

I lay awake for the rest of the night, thinking. Why can't I at least LOOK peaceful? Why does everyone pity me? Why am I so stressed? Is it those Painting Demons possessing me? I guess I just wasn't made for these times, the times to feel stressed and worried.

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**It's a little short, but I hope you guys enjoyed! ~ Cosmic**


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